i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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