Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
