my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am puke
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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