3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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