Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
