is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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