What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
