i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I wish you could order shots online.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
