"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
