Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
