I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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