We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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