the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
you're hired as official boob wrangler
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
