My nipple is on Facebook.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
