there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
