i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize