I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
