I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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