so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
