I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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