I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
