This dress was meant to end up on your floor
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
