I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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