Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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