I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
