I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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