i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
