I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
