I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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