what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
