totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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