Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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