Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
