I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
