i just wanna soil my oats bro
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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