I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
