Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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