so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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