everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
