I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
