im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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