Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
