I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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