also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You've changed since you got that strap on
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
