I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
