she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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