ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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