he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
