So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize