birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
