tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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