Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
