Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
