ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
