I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
there is glitter all over my balls
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
