everyone is single if you try hard enough
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
