Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You are the jesus of drinking
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
