My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
