i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
