Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize