I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
