capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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