Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
