dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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