I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
