good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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