I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
