Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
