toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
