hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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