Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
