Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
